Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Christmas

I got to thinking... that alone is a recipe for disaster. Everyone asks about being busy "this time of year." I wonder is daylight just shorter or is it the very hours of the day? What is so attractive about being busy?

Since hardly anyone knows this blog exists it's safe for me to confess: I'm NOT busy. And worse than that: I don't intend to be. Sure, there are times when I have multiple projects due and several people would like some of my time. But I've not found any way to do more than I can do. And simply because I won't accomplish much of what I think I should - or more accurately what others would like me to - doesn't mean I'm busy. I fall short of my expectations and others, of course, but I don't think that being "busy" will extricate me from the emotional quagmire that creates.

Busy can mean "full of activity" or "engaged in action," which I am - much of the time. What busy does not mean is that I am important. Neither does it mean that the choices I make - between competing demands on my time - are justified. And those two needs, importance and justification, I'm pretty sure, are what's behind all this need to feel and be known as busy.